Inspired by this post by one of my favorite bloggers, I started thinking about who I am, why I act the way I do, and the broken road that’s led me to being the happiest I’ve ever been… So, MckMama recommended settling in with a large cup of lemonade, but I am going to recommend that for this one, you drink a (very) large glass of wine, because that’s how I roll.
Sooooooo….
In the winter of 1983, I am born to my parents, who desperately wanted a boy to add to their pre-existing family of 2 daughters. I was a quite unexpected surprise, to my parents who thought they were done having kids, since my sisters were already on the path to growing up.
In 1989, my middle sister became pregnant with my niece (who later grows up to be one of my nearest and dearest friends), which prevents her from going to college, and leads her into a job in accounting, where she gets an entry level position at a company just getting it’s start. This is mostly significant because her boss later becomes my FIL. My oldest sister has the first boy in our family, and names him the name that my parents had wanted to use for me.
In 1996, my parents have been divorced (after 33 years of marriage), for sometime, and my dad gets remarried. He turns his back on me, and we go several years without speaking at all, and when he does speak to me, the word “Bitch” is frequently dropped. Oh, daddy issues are super rad.
In the spring of 1998, I do something so beyond stupid, that I rarely talk about it. I break 3 vertebrae in my back, and still suffer daily. I miss several months of school and am impacted further later. I am on bedrest for months and become addicted to the internet.
In 1999, I have had enough of being harrassed by my sister and her boss, and agree to be introduced to his son. I go to their office to work on a school project, and my ffil tells Joe, “She looks confused. You should help her.” and literally pushes him at me. This is a good forshadowing into how my FIL will continue to treat me down the road, but I digress. Joe is such a cocky guy, that I go home and tell my mother, “He was an asshole. I think I love him.” He calls the next day, flat out telling me that he nevers breaks the “3 Day Rule” and that I should feel flattered. Again, I think he’s cocky. Again, I know I’m in love. He turns out to not be cocky, but instead confident, witty, and sarcastic. I’m a gonner – hook, line, and sinker.
In the fall of 2000, Joe and I get engaged. Only people at (high) school know for about 8 months. Everyone thinks we’re crazy. Even 8 months later, reactions are less than stellar. I find out that there’s been a problem with my high school credits and I’m not going to get to walk with my class at the end of the year. My mom cries for days. I homeschool.
Winter 2001, Joe and I get our first apartment. This is the beginning of 8 million moves over the next few years. I see an old gf (Niki) as we’re unloading our moving boxes, and it turns out she lives below us. Our paths cross several more times after we move apart, until our lives are so similar that we’re rarely seperated.
Summer 2003: Joe and I are in the midst of planning a large wedding for 2004. Our families are fighting, and on a whim, we elope with barely a month’s notice. We get married on our exact 4 year dating anniversary. A month later, I get a new job teaching in a daycare, and it’s my first real career move since leaving school. In the coming months I see more than I’d ever want to see, call CPS on my co-workers, become terrified to leave my class, and I vow to become a sahm.
December 2004, we found out that we’re pregnant, after a few months of trying. I am so surprised by this news that I slap my husband with happiness. I may well have been the happiest pregnant lady alive. Who have you ever known that’s smacked someone with glee?!?
We welcomed Hannah into our happy family in August of 2005. My whole entire world changes. I change religions. Political affiliations. Careers. Thoughts. Ideas. Everything is new because she turned a light on in my life that until that point, had been void. I meet my bff talking about babynames. My cup runneth over, completely. Over the next year, I obsess of her first birthday party, and find a whole new passion for party planning.
When Hannah is almost 2 years old, in the early summer of 2007, I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant again. We immediately worry about the silliest things – how we will afford another baby, if we have room, Joe needing to finish school… We announce the pregnancy to our families, and I have a miscarriage a week later. I am so wracked with depression and guilt that I barely get out of bed for months. My marriage nearly crumbles under the sadness and anger, but we make it through and come out stronger. We realize how badly we want another baby, and begin ttc shortly after.
In the fall of 2008, I am diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and am a complete mixture of devastated (obvious reasons) and relieved (to finally have an answer), as we had not concieved another child after 18 months of (really, really) trying. I under go several failed fertility treatments that leave us with broken wallets and hearts.
In the Spring of 2009, i have an “Ah-ha!” moment with God… I feel forgiven for all the terrible things I’ve done and said over my life. Joe graduated from school, and we can finally breathe and see each other daily again. Hannah announces that she wants to go to college to be a mom because it’s “Every job!”. She also becomes obsessed with being a sibling and marrying her daddy (she’s still young, so that’s cute – not weird). I start a Moms Group, and for completely surrounded by wonderful like minded people. Joe’s dad says something that forever changes the way I look at him (in a bad way). I return back to the doctor and begin new medication to help us have another baby, and Joe and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary of being together.
And that brings me to now – I wake up with a daily renewed sense of hope, and a complete desire to be a blessing to my family and those around me. I still stumble – a lot. A LOT. But, I have a great life. I’m surrounded by great friends, amazing family, and we’re all wrapped in the arms of God.
So what’s YOUR story?
Oh, and btw… I’m back. Again. I should have mentioned that earlier, I suppose.
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