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Sh!t that is the tits!

Okay, so, Sara over at Suburban Oblivion posted the most hysterically titled meme I’ve ever seen. (ftr, mommy friends, I find Sara – who, btw, I do not know – to be outrageous fricking hysterical… wth? do you guys not even check out my blogroll?)

Anyways, it’s essentially a list of your favorite things, just with a much catchier (and woot woot! offensive) title.

So without keeping you waiting a moment longer, I bring you (omg, my dog just tooted. wth was I thinking getting a pet. It’s like an extra hubby that constantly lays at my feet.) … Okay, NOW, without further wait (as I continue to choke back vomit, and consider moving to a different room of the house and/or just torch the entire condo…)

Shit that Leah thinks is “The Tits”:

~ target. period. loves it.
~ my family. Seriously, my family is the shit. If Hannah and Joe made me laugh any harder, it’d be sad.
~ delicious cupcakes (as opposed to gross ones, i guess. though I’ve never met a cupcake I didn’t like)
~ Jarts. If you don’t know about this dangerously sexy/best played drunk game, get a time machine, travel back to 1970, and check it out. Luckily we have a friend with a set, and we kick ass at it every week.
~ chik fil a
~ BabyGap clearance.
~ Baby naming.
~ my girls.
~ frozen mountain dews
~ spiked apple cider
~ toddler parties
~ cigarette breaks (sorry. i heart smoking. and yes, I know it’s vile. just leave me alone.)
~ chipotle… in theory. Since I was sick a few weeks ago, and puked up a gob of Taco Bell, even the sound of an hispanic accent will bring back horrid nauciousness.)
~ twilight
~ funky colored sharpies
~ browns football (could we catch a frickin’ break, just ONCE?!?)
~ surprise gift packages in the mail
~ big sunglasses. not insane huge. but big.
~ pandora bracelet beads
~ surprise calls from the grandparents, asking to spend time with Hannah
~ white mocha, coconut, caramel fraps. Yeah, all together. For reals.
~ random remembrances of things I loved as a kid but would never EVER try as an adult (like Crystal Pepsi and Orbitz water)
~ unrequested hugs or kisses (from Joe or Hannah, I mean. I don’t want a grope or two from a random construction guy)

uhm… yeah… that covers a lot…but I’m sure there’s more.

Now, let’s see yours!

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I should totally be Cris Angel (am I spelling that right? I seem to remember he spells it all gay…) but I have totally valid reasons for my disappearing act.

First, Ike laid out this horrid shit on my area… I know it’s NOTHING like what happened in Texas, and I should just stfu, but it happened last Sunday, and we stayed without power until mid-day Wednesday, and still have people in the area without power or water or anything. I feel horrible for them. Luckily, I have awesome family, and so we stayed with my mom and then my sister and her family. But the storm seperated Hannah and I from Joe, and I hated that. There were trees EVERYWHERE. We were incredibly lucky that our tree didn’t come down on the condo, which I can probably only give thanks to the neighbor down the street who recently trimmed an azzload of the tree. Otherwise we’d probably have a gaping hole in our roof. Hannah’s gpa’s trampoline was not so lucky. So take a look at my photo of the day book, and then poor out a 40 on the sidewalk for it. It was lovely, but it had a long, fun-filled life. I guess it was his time.

Hannah started preschool this week, and is doing awesome. Dyk they sent home a letter about school parties (holiday and birthday) and they are not allowing CUPCAKES. WHAT?!?! *!##@)!#!#$!

You don’t understand. I’d already searched all over Flickr, and made a list for the ENTIRE YEAR of all the decorated cuppycakes I was going to make. I actually cried. That’s right. I cried over cupcakes that I can’t make… or I can, but not for her school. Poor Hubs. Sadly he can totally understand “Sob, sooooob, sigh, cupcakes, sigh whine sob” and answers, “What do you mean they won’t let you make cupcakes for her parties?” I love him, I really, really do. But I was SO psyched. Cupcakes are my THING. My love, my hobby, my fun…. BOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO. Wth am I supposed to make now? Seriously, knife to the heart. I should post their phone number so you guys can call and complain… but it’s a church, and I’m not down with makin’ God saddies. But just know that I am super bummed about it. I don’t are if 3 yo’s make a mess out of cupcakes. 3 yo’s make a mess out of paper. Or pudding. And peanut butter. Play-doh. Barbies. Rocks. Crayons. Water. GIVE ME A STINKIN’ BREAK!!!! I have been looking forward to Hannah going to school JUST for the parties. And now, no cupcakes. *heavy sigh*

eta: I then went on over for my cupcake fix, where she’d also recently blogged about the surge in cupcake bans, apparently due to the obesity crisis. wtf? It’s a CUPCAKE. For a kid’s birthday or a holiday party. It’s not like they (although I sometimes) eat one everyday. And, as far as I’m concerned, cupcakes are frickin’ brilliant. Why cut off a huge slice of cake, when you can have one portion controlled paper wrapped piece of Heaven. So ban cake, the “pick your portion” poison, and long live the cupcake.

Bitches.

lmao.

Holy crap.

This should be the best day ever. Saturdays are usually the day that Joe is at school, and he is currently on break.

But nnooooooooooo! Silly me, I sent Joe out on a food run late last night. Taco Bell was my one desire. About 2 hours later, my body rejected it like a bad heart transplant. “YOU!” My stomach screamed at the cheap “mexican” fare “GET OUT…….. Not out the back door! THE WAY YOU CAME IN.”

Bummer to me. I’ve been sicker than a dog. And to top it off Hannah woke up last night screaming and holding her…. what would be the proper word to use on a public blog…. uhm, vajayjay. I was certain, given the level of screaming, that she had a UTI. Apparently, asking your Hubs to take your toddler to the pediatrician about a problem with “her area” will make him beyond uncomfortable. (But, in good news, she is UTI free.) It should not have filled me with lolz as much as it did to hear Joe whining, “But I don’t know anything about THOSE.” My other favorite line from the day was “Can’t you just take her to the birthday party? She was really looking forward to it?” Uhhhhmmm… So was I (in fact, I’m certain I would have enjoyed myself just as much as Hannah.) but I highly doubt my gf would appreciate me walking around with a trashcan looking green. So, no, I cannot just “get better and go.”

Want to hear something hysterical? (Not haha in the traditionally funny way, but haha in the homicidal rage way) Joe is upstairs taking a nap while I play with Hannah (although I can’t complain, I guess, since I’m finding the strength to blog) and is totally ticked at me for being sick. Because I totally love puking my guts out. Just sign me up for America’s Next Top Model.

If I wasn’t such a fan of porkin’, I’d totally be a lesbian. For reals.

8 Things…

Well, I’m a huge liar. I will not be blogging in the morning tomorrow. I forgot I need to go bake some delicious rainbow cupcakes for a girlfriend. I first made them for Hannah’s rainbow/Care Bear themed party… They were pretty effing pimp if I can toot my own horn for a minute.

Wanna see?

The outside…
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Then take a bite, and you get to see
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Okay, back to the point of my post… In a show of good faith, and to show that I actually can blog 2x in a row, I’m posting tonight, as I wait for the RNC to get started. The following was stolen from Mrs. CrazyNancy herself.

8 things I am passionate about:

* The Hubs
* Hannah Banana
* Music
* Politics
* My friends
* Coffee
* Laughing
* Mexican food

8 books I’ve read and enjoyed:

* Twilight
* New Moon
* Love and Logic Magic
* Happy Housewifes
* The Great Gatsby
* Moose
* The Baby Name Wizard (yes, it’s like a novel for me)
* The Giving Tree

8 words/phrases that I say often:

* “Are you KIDDING me?”
* “Hey hobag!”
* “No, no, Hannah!”
* “I love you.”
* “Remy, NO BARK.”
* “Yes, dear.”
* “Shut Up.” (not in the ‘be quiet’ way – in the ‘oh no she didant!’ way)
* “Big girl words! Mommy’s ears can’t understand whining!”

8 things I want to do before I die:

* Go to Forks, WA.
* Expand our family.
* Travel abroad.
* Run. Yes, anywhere. Any length of time. Just run. I’m way too fat to do it now.
* Lose 50 lbs.
* Appreciate myself.
* Make sure my family knows how much they mean to me.

8 things I’ve learned in my life:

* Weight is way easier to put on than take off
* Smoking is definately a social thing for me
* Listen half as much as you speak (still learning this one)
* Pick your battles.
* The law of proximity is not a good way to make a friend
* Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today
* Microwaves are quite flammable
* Babies grow up much to fast

8 places I want to see:

* Las Vegas, NV
* Forks, WA
* Boston
* Fiji
* NYC
* London
* The O.C.
* Dallas

8 things I currently want/need:

* A frickin’ vacation alone.
* A vacation with just Hannah… preferably back to Phoenix.
* A family vacation
* Joe to graduate and return to acting like a normal person
* another baby
* to lose weight
* a new house
* autumn to come on with it

Guess who’s back…

… back again. Leah’s back. Tell a friend…

Okay, now that it’s 9 a.m. and I’ve got some Eminem stuck in my head…

Wow. It’s been forever. I feel like so much has changed, and yet nothing at all.

Hannah is 3 now! We had this amazingly kick azz party at Pump It Up, and it was SO much fun. We had a lot of people attend, and more it importantly, there was ZERO drama. They even had a party assistant for me, that helped Hannah unwrap her gifts, and explained what everything was so that I could kick back and relax and take pictures.

I’ve been trying super hard to whip the house into shape. Some days are much more motivating than others. Hannah got accepted into preschool (she’ll be the youngest ever to attend) and I am super psyched… and a little scared. I know I’m going to cry like I’m at her wedding, which is crazy, but it’s true.

Joe is finally on a break for school… it honestly couldn’t come quick enough. I have to keep reminding myself how AWESOME this is going to be for our family, and how we just have to make it until March. We’ve taken a break from TTC (although I’m not entirely sure if Joe knows that, lol) … I’m really struggling with the whole thing, and I know that people get beyond sick of hearing about it, and I know that lots of people struggle a lot longer than I have, but I’m trying to get to that point of just being thankful for what I have, and anything addition will just be icing to my already awesome cake.

My weekends lately have consisted of Hannah staying with my mom on Saturday nights, and Joe and I getting a chance to go out and drink and play some Jarts. (My team, which coincidentally is NOT Joe’s team, since he’s been playing a while, and I’m a newb, is 7-1. Yeah, we pretty much kill it every week.)

Okay, my BIL just got her to put the waterline into the new fridge, and I didn’t know he was coming, so that’s all the update you get now! I’ll be back tomorrow. I promise… I think… lmao!

Also, I’ve enlisted the help of some of my MomSquawk ladies to join a photo of the day challenge… If I can figure out a way to post it here, I’ll include it. But I’d love for you to join me!!! The rules are super loose – take a photo everyday. Post it. Photoshop it if you want, add a description if you want, but neither are required. Learn to use your camera! (Besides the auto settings) and make some memories. I challenge YOU!

I’m sorry. I’m so behind on everyone’s blogs. I haven’t read anything in forEVER.

We have been sick. I’ve been lazy. And we had a friend pass away a little over a week ago. There’s something about losing a friend at such a young age (25 yo) that just sends your mind into a state of shock. He was one of Joe’s besties, and a sweet, hysterical, great guy, so – Rest in Peace, Josh Manson.

So, needless to say, things have been a bit crazy. Do you know when you are in trouble? When you have a daughter. Do you know when you are REALLY in trouble? When your 2 yo says, “Know what I like, mama? Boys!”

Whhhhhhhaaaaaaaat?!? No. Not now. Not yet. Not until you are 35. Man, is the road ahead going to be bumpy and insane, lmao. Especially if we’re already starting.

The only other new thing currently going on? Bangs. I got ’em. Yep. I’m insane, but I think they are kinda cute. Oh, and Hannah got her ears pierced, which is a story I’ll share tomorrow, because I’m not quite ready to relive it.

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